Just talking, but a little more seriously ...

For a long time I wanted to write this post, but I never did. Why? That's not so easy to answer. Writing is a mysterious thing to me, even today. If I can call myself somewhat experienced in anything, writing would probably figure in the top 5 items in the list, nevertheless, it remains to be as arcane as anything could be. In the past two months, I have asked myself several times if this blog had neared / reached it's end. Again, why? This question is not so hard to answer.

Here's why:

1. Life has changed, and I have changed (vice versa).

2. As one of my good friends pointed out, writing is all about expression. It doesn't matter what the subject is, it's the act of expressing one's thoughts that counts. So have my thoughts become so inexpressible that I don't want to write at all? Of course not, I have just lost interest in updating this blog. (I don't want to ask another why, I can already see some recursion here. Recursion's not always nice is it? (evil programmer smile)).

Now I am guilty of a very serious crime. I decided to blog about something else when I started this post, and I am not able to get that post out of me even today. What a pregnant silence ...! Anyway, the introduction was generic enough. So I'll quickly move on to the topic of my post. (I am a little drowsy with sleep and my head is hurting quite a bit, so I've perhaps got the right conditions to (figuratively) pen down what I am about to.

I saw a quote somewhere - "There's always a moment when you start to fall out of love, whether it's with a person or an idea or a cause, even if it's one you only narrate to yourself years after the event: a tiny thing, a wrong word, a false note, which means that things can never be quite the same again."

I really can't bring myself to disagree with this. It's so true. I could replace the word "love" in the quote with something that's more appropriate though. It'd be more like "There's always a moment when you know that something has changed for good, whether it's with yourself, a person or an idea or a cause, even if it's one you only narrate to yourself years after the event: a tiny thing, a wrong word, a false note, which means that things can never be quite the same again."

With blogging, the epiphany happened when I realized yet another time that nobody cares. It's just another stupid blog, I have used this space to vent things out at times, I have logged some incidents here and so on. But of late, when I sit down to write about anything big / small, I am confronted by the fact that whatever I write doesn't make any difference. Not to me,not to anyone. Apart from a few courtesy comments, there's nothing in there to cherish. For those who care, there are other more private media of communication. If I have to remove myself from the focus completely, I'd be left with the sole option of writing a partly (or fully) technical / factual blog. While that would be interesting, I am not yet an expert in any area; which brings us back to square zero.

There's a vacuum here, and that is peaceful for some strange reason. As long as I continue to feel this way, the writer in my will become dormant and might even disappear. Sad but true; I still believe that I won't exhaust my reserves of creativity though. However that's another addition to my long list of uncertain things. So long, adios!